My own version of 'expat brat....'

You should seriously consider expat life as an alternative to UK living if:


1. You are too much of a purist to ever put fizzy water into your wine.

2. You only drink coffee from a very expensive personal expresso machine.

3. You have dispensed with your guest bedroom, using it only for storage or an office instead.

4. You are seriously considering downsizing.

5. You are ‘right-on’ about race issues but never mix with anyone other than people exactly like yourself.

6. You have recently become a running/biking/triathlon fanatic.

7. You arrange your social life around TV scheduling.

8. Your comfort zone is never stretched.

9. You and your friends all wear clothes from the same five shops.

10. You are living for your next holiday in the sun.


You have been an expat for far too long and definitely need to go home if:

1. When meeting people, all you can do is talk about yourself and how wonderful you are.

2. You have already had botox ie. too much time on your hands to worry obsessively about aging.

3. You are on the whisky and water diet. ie. No food, just whisky - from a hipflask if necessary.

4. You unfailingly snap at waiters, complaining that your coffee is too cold or food not good enough, almost on point of principal.

5. Your heroic, single minded efforts to secure your child in a private UK secondary school (on a scholarship of course!) has alienated you from all your friends.

6. When you go back to the UK or ‘home’, locals consider you are wearing fancy dress.

7. You talk endlessly about plans to live between both ‘home’ and ‘overseas’ with no real grasp on the cost implications of running a dual life.

8. You think that everyone around is stupider than you.

9. You think that ‘entertaining’ is simply a matter of a few phone calls followed by barked instructions and 'lunch' is a five hour (minium) drinking session.

10. Your children are barefoot and unkempt – even at school.