Felt a bit cross this morning, and cross with myself for being cross.
1) our fridge has packed up (the compressor) and is going to cost 12,000 shillings to fix (£100), plus I just spent nearly £800 on fixing my car which had also packed up. As you will see, these contributing factors do not bode well when trying to address problem 2 below:
2) The main problem is that one of the lovely ladies who works in our house has got herself into a bit of a mess financially - and now the problem has landed squarely on my lap. Apparently she borrowed money from a boyfriend last year, then they broke up and the disgruntled man decided he wanted his money back. Last January Florence was being threatened by this man. He came to her house, shook her by the shoulders wanting either her or his money back. He hung about her home and threatened to get people to hurt her and/or her friends.
Florence did the thing that people do here, which is, she took her problem to the local chief. He summoned the man and told him to lay off, but told Florence that she must return the money. Florence and the man finally agreed on a sum they both thought was fair (but Florence still says it is more than she borrowed.) The total is 40,000 Kenya Shillings (around £375 or $700).
In January I was aware of the problem with the man, but Florence did not tell me about the money side of things - just that an old boyfriend was hassling her. I guess she put the money concern on the back burner. Anyway, in July - while we were in England, he was back, asking for his money and threatening again. Florence went back to the chief who said she must pay but the man should also stop threatening. Florence went around various friends and relatives and managed to raise 34,000 - so she still owes 6,000 to the man. The chief told the man, 'be patient, you will get the last bit of your money.' Florence told her friends and relatives, 'be patient, I will pay you back sometime,' Probably adding 'mungu ata saidia' (God will help).
Now - Florence already has interest free loans from us over and above what we believe is a good monthly salary. Everyone takes interest free loans on their salary and we take a little from each month and have accepted that that is how it goes. I know that with Florence's current loan and the fact that she will soon be needing another for school fees, that i cannot add 40,000 to this sum and reasonably expect her to ever pay it back. But Florence would like me to 'help.'
I certainly don't want her to be forced to visit some loan shark and get into even more of a mess - but I am kind of annoyed that her silly problem with an ex-boyfriend has become mine. I am giving her some money - but as I draw it from our savings at the bank I know that this means that I am eating into our 3 girls school fees due in early September, that has been put away carefully (around £6,500 per term for all 3). ARRRRGGGGGG. Perhaps I will give her the rest when we are feeling richer - but I still can't help feeling cross. Damned if I do and damned if I don't.
4) Also, I had to meet the ex nightwatchman's wife last week to give her the monthly sum that we always give them. The HIV positive nightwatchman worked for us four years ago and we have been supporting him since then - he lives in Kibera and thinks up community projects to be sponsored by Safaricom or Amref - but nothing ever seems to get off the ground.
Amref pay for his anti retrovirals and numerous study courses - he is now a qualified HIV tester, has his driving licence and is a trained HIV councillor thanks to them - but none of this is paid work. He and his family are nice (blog readers will remember I refer to him often) but anyway - they day I had to give the envelope, the ex nightwatchman was on one of his courses so he sent his wife.
The way it works is that they send us a text and I meet up with cash (say £55 per month) at a shopping centre that is on my school run. Now it is the school holidays and this time there were horrendous road works - good old Nairobi style, smelly gridlock. I spent 40 minutes in static traffic going to a shopping centre that I didn't need to go to especially to hand over the envelope at a time that I felt I would rather be spending it on new school shoes for the kids. I called Joyce and asked, could she meet me on the road as I was stuck in traffic? - but she didn't understand where I was or what I meant. She sort of shut down and said things like 'I am here' 'I am at the shopping centre'. We had numerous frustrating conversations with her invariably hanging up and me calling back again. I felt very cross. I think I even shouted - 'Please cross the roundabout! I cannot reach you because of traffic! Leave the shopping centre and walk across the roundabout!'
I felt awful afterwards - like a real snake. Sometimes all these things happen at the same time and patience runs out. I sent a text to apologise today then got a reply that said,
'no problem, she understood, despite shes ill since then, coughing, vomiting, etc. hav gon hosp. twice she somehow doing well. feeding is problem. but will get better. thanks'
Now I feel like a spoiled brat and expect no sympthy from readers (will probably get extracts of this post quoted back at me), but I am still irritable (though purging in this blog helps!).
Everything is out of kilter, as a dinner out in Nairobi (not that we go all that much) can easily cost 5,000 shillings. Our accommodation in Tsavo was free but we still had to spend 7,500 on park fees which was a decadence too. We plan to go to the coast soon and stay in a self catering house, and although we have already paid for this. I got a text message to say that cushion covers I ordered to be made up by a local tailor are ready for collection - it is all superfluous.
I guess this must be how Nairobians feel when their very extended family reach out their hands to the city breadwinner regularly. I wonder if they too get cross, or stay endlessly patient. Perhaps they budget for making handouts, but I don't envy them the pressure.
The diary of a British expat living in Kenya. News, views, debate and a healthy dose of trivia.
Interesting post. The management of finances in Kenya fascinates me endlessly. Do you think that, in addition to the fact that expenses outstrip earnings, there is an additional element to all this? Your thoughts?
ReplyDeleteI think that in the West your problems are often private and your own. Although people give generously to charity, they are seldom asked for handouts on a personal level.
ReplyDeleteIn Africa it seems that a problem shared is best and God will help. There is a real expectation for those who have more to unquestioningly subsidise those with less.
In Barack obama's book 'Dreams from my Father', he mentions the ingrained expectation his extended Kenyan family have of him and of one another (ie those that live in town and those who are in the country). He mentions giving a cousin a tape recorder from the US, and the cousin sighing and saying 'shame it is this cheap make and not Sony'.
He also learned of the pressure his own father and grandfather were under to live up to expectations and be (or pose as) the all giving provider.
I wonder whether there aren't two equally important connections - poverty plus a strong culture of responsibility to family? Here in the US, a major problem for African American families moving from poverty to middle class is that even with a middle class salary, when that first begins and one has few savings, relatives who are still very poor ask for and expect help. And the feeling seems often to be, "How can I sit on savings in the bank when my sister's daughter needs medical treatment. . ." (Well, and don't start me on our health care debacle, which drops many people back into poverty.)
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that you are willing to explore your experiences out loud with your readers. I can smell that Nairobi air while you sit frustrated and late!
I'm new to your blog and a young Brit who has been in Kenya 2 years. I understand the pressures you described in your blog. I think you were incredibily patient and I think you are very generous giving what you do.
ReplyDeleteI often feel so deflated when it is "expected" of me to give, when on some occasions all I am doing is asking " how are you" and it somehow turns to " I need money" however your description of how a prblem shared etc. It makes me have a little more faith in people and their reasoning.
p.s. I know a very good fridge repair man, I am also based in Karen. He has just fixed our freezer for a reasonable amount.
ReplyDeletei like your finally point, perhaps you should consider it then the personalised requests for monies won't grate soo much. i.e. budget for it, once your limit is reached - you really can't give more!
ReplyDeleteI think you now you see what East Indians (Asians) are more distant from their local staff than are Wazungu.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason, wazungu have this 'burden' that they need to help everyone. Can you imagine if you lived in Kenya for 2-3 generations? Just imagine how many little 'projects' like this you would have!!
I'm not in Nairobi yet but I already have a sense of the city from your blog and other online resources. I can imagine how frustrating it must feel when you're in the 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation. The perception that a white man/woman is much better off and can easily help is prevalent in many parts of the developing world. Few understand that the white man/woman have their own issues to deal with!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all thank you for an amazing blog. its been top of my "google reader" for ages.
ReplyDeletesecondly i laud your enthusiasm for kenya and really found it moving that a mzungu (sorry if not PC) cares that much about our country.
Coming from one of those middle class families in kenya, giving money to the less privileged is somethign we grew accustomed to. my mum is as good as you when it comes to saying "NO" to staff when they ask for assistance. its a sad choice to always have to make but at the end of the day, you can only give what you have and thats all we could do.
You have done more than enough for your house staff (reading from your blog)and you should never feel bad about saying no once in a while. i for one am a "sucker" for a sad story and will dish out money to family and friends when something moves me but i always remind myself that i am giving by choice and not by sence of responsibility (if that makes sence).
Ill be coming back to kenya this week and your airport stories just reminded me what i will have to go through.
fingers crossed.
'mungu atasaidia' LOL
ReplyDeletetypical kenyan refrain. sometimes you blog makes me laugh at myself as a kenyan
Wow - the stress of living in 'the west' is small compared to Nairobi. I had forgotten. (We lived there for 5 years.)
ReplyDeleteGod bless you as you go through the daily worries.
Urg. Difficult one.
ReplyDeleteThere's only so much you can do. Even the mzungus have limits on cash :D
I think the problem may be with your maths. How can KSh 40,000/- be US$700 ???
ReplyDeleteThank you so so much for writing this! Last week I had one of those days after 8 people asked me to help them (with quite large amounts of money) in the space of 24 hours. Spent the whole day feeling angry about the financial expectations placed on a mzungu here from everyone who knows you, and then 2 days after that feeling guilty and like a horrible spoilt brat. Thinking about the fact I went on holiday last month and bought myself a pizza last week, then feel like I can't afford to give people money all the time. My (Kenyan) boyfriend is very understanding and says I don't have to give money to his whole extended family just because they ask - but each reason is a valid one and how do you justify saying no when you have (relatively) so much more? It really helps to know that others get these issues and conflicting feelings and it's not just me who's being pulled in all directions to provide funding. So glad I found your blog, keep it up.
ReplyDeleteYou know what? Stop giving.
ReplyDeleteStop being an easy touch and you'll (miraculously), soon stop attracting parasites.
They're staff, that's all, your only responsibility is to pay them for their honest labour.
You owe nothing.
hapana patia mtu pesa yeyote.YOU has to have a professional relationship and not a personal or kusaidia.At least you are a mzungu,so they have some fear before approaching you.If you were black,they would hire thugs to break in to your house and take cash from you. Tell them to""beba mzigo wao mwenyewe"".I think you feel guilty because you have accepted to take all the trouble anyone brings to you.Look at wealthy Kenyans,their domestic staff are the most miserable people,because they do not let themselves get caught up in the saidia drama.
ReplyDeleteIf Kenyans themselves do not give a damn about the poor,then why should you care?.African countries are not poor,but poorly managed!.If your staff ask you for money again just Fukuza wao.
Kamau
I totally sympathize with you. I volunteered in Kenya for six weeks, and everyone wanted me to give them money out of pocket. I am amazed at your generosity, though. You support people who have been part of your life, and I can understand why it is hard to just say no, as other people suggested. I always felt guilty saying no too, and still do, but sometimes it is necessary to just cut the pursestrings, especially if you need to pay your own school fees. I do like one of the other comments on this blog. "you have given them honest work, you owe nothing." Maybe the solution is to give them work, no matter trivial, instead of just cash?
ReplyDeleteDifficult! I believe that like my parents taught me 'You have to be responsible for yourself',until people learn this what hope for them is there.BUT my guy's at home see me as 'DADDY' even calling me such sometimes and it's the cultural norm for the weathly family members to help the less wealthy.
ReplyDeleteBut as expats it's not our culture,we're between a rock and a hard place...