So far this morning I have, read the newspapers - i.e. yesterday's: Nation - (inflation and road accidents), Standard - (Hague trial, Charity Ngilu water ministry corruption probe), Business Daily - (global markets plunge, Facebook launches Timeline, pircay increasingly a problem, 14 seater matatus get a reprieve) Star - (Thika highway update, Mbau says election should not be held in December) over a slow breakfast - then had a bath in the guest room as the water everywhere else in the house has run out. Got dressed. Said hello to water delivery truck men who failed to come yesterday - made them tea plus bread and jam to keep them sweet. (always worth having those guys on your side).
I silently curse the Nairobi Agricultural show/Trade fair that starts today (more than 200 companies participate) and will take place in Jamhuri Park every day this week until Sunday. Once a year, whenever it's the show - we fail to get city council water. The show also means even more horrendous traffic than usual on Ngong Road and a gigantic struggle to get the kids home from school - which, at the end of the week, may well culminate in driving right out of Nairobi in order to get home again the back way over bumps and through villages in order to avoid showground traffic. Friday will be the pits because not only is Friday normally bad traffic wise but Kibaki is visiting in the afternoon (with his motorcade) and rain/storms are forecast that day as well - oh hell.
Oh well, at least we have power.
Moved to my computer and read the Telegraph online: UK news (British shipwreck, treasure found) World news - (morbidly fascinated by the Amanda Knox case and whether Putin had a facelift or not. Also looked at Wangari Maathi's Telegraph obituary and thought it was a bit lightweight), Financial news - (have gold prices topped out? Is the world officially in recession yet?) Fashion news - (trying desperately not to be interested whether or not Kate Middleton will be on the front of US Vogue next month). Then, shame-of-shame - moved on the Daily Mail online. Read an article about being middle class and out of work in the UK, then moved onto Jessica Simpson's dreadful choice of holiday wear and the fact that Angelina Jolie and Gwen Stefani shared a kids play date. Secretly curse the fact that I have internet connection ... but don't really mean it.
Losing the will to live. Actually have so much I ought to be doing, wrote a list on post-it notepad in an attempt to organise myself but the list is a bit too scary, everything on it requires an input of time and effort - Pull myself together. Consider that I should have gone to gym this morning because it would have been a better use of my time, didn't go because thought I'd be better off at home getting things done. Remember that I should be emailing my mum and mum-in-law to say thanks for sponsoring our eldest on a charity walk she did at the weekend. Skype messaged a friend. Checked by blog comments, then statistics, then went on to look at Google Analytics. Can't make any sense of them and who cares anyway. Now writing this. Can't wait until 11am when I will allow myself to go downstairs and make a cup of instant coffee.
Oh dear. Tragic. Please somebody tell me that I'm not the only one who can make procrastinating last two or three hours...or more?!
The diary of a British expat living in Kenya. News, views, debate and a healthy dose of trivia.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Looking forward to 2012 elections as we experience 'interesting times'...
Next year is election year, not just for Kenya but for the United States of America and Russia too. The political climate is already heating up.
The date of the US presidential election is set for 6th November 2012. President Obama knows exactly the time frame he has to win back popularity after a beleaguered presidency marred by economic crisis and resistance to reform. Meanwhile, in Kenya, in spite of premature political jostling for the 2012 leadership race, the date of the Kenyan presidential vote is still not decided. A clause in the new constitution inaugurated in August 2010 stated that elections must take place in the eight month of election year, but due to Kenya’s own delays in implementing constitutional reform, MPs within current government have attempted to push out the election date to a probable December 2012, while civil society have protested the change, stating (and I paraphrase) ‘please let’s not start all this business of amending of the new constitution already!”
Casting our minds back just a few years, who can forget the joy that we felt to see a Kenyan-American elected to the most powerful political seat in the World. There was celebration in Kenya, a national holiday was announced, ‘Obama Day’. We were all in desperate need of good news, still reeling as we were from a flawed Kenyan election only months before that had brought the country, quite honestly, to the brink of civil war. In the States and Europe, the banking system had very recently undergone a collapse caused in part by the US subprime mortgage market, however, at that point we thought that the worst was behind us.
Could we ever have predicted that a shaky Kenyan coalition born out of an election marred by manipulation, bloodshed and infighting, would have somehow endured its term. That Putin would be running for President yet again in Russia, while Obama’s election in 2008, so full of optimism, would mark the beginning of a wave of yet more ‘interesting times’ on a global scale.
We might never have guessed that in May 2010, Britain would chose to rule itself by Coalition just like Kenya; that autocrats in the oil rich Middle East who enjoyed ultimate power for decades would be toppled by people’s revolutions during an ‘Arab Spring’ that was given momentum by online social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter. Natural disaster has also played its part, most notably through chaos caused by the earthquakes in Japan. A global economic crisis that hit at the heart of the developed world in 2008 is still causing shockwaves, unbalancing nations that we once considered infallible. Today, Europe’s currency is under threat, there’s mass unemployment, a double dip recession looms, governments are making drastic spending cuts to compensate and international banks that were once considered ‘safe’ still threaten to fail.
There is an old Chinese expression that goes; ‘May you live through interesting times’. It’s regarded as a curse. Why, because ‘interesting’ tends to be defined as troublesome and uncomfortable. The world has certainly had an interesting ride over the last few years since Kenya’s last election. In 2012 world leaders and voters alike can only pray for ‘boring’ times ahead. Fingers crossed.
RIP Wangari Maathai - Tireless Kenyan environmental conservationist, visionary, founder of the Green Belt Movement, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, and by all accounts, all round exceptionally nice lady, died today aged 71.
The date of the US presidential election is set for 6th November 2012. President Obama knows exactly the time frame he has to win back popularity after a beleaguered presidency marred by economic crisis and resistance to reform. Meanwhile, in Kenya, in spite of premature political jostling for the 2012 leadership race, the date of the Kenyan presidential vote is still not decided. A clause in the new constitution inaugurated in August 2010 stated that elections must take place in the eight month of election year, but due to Kenya’s own delays in implementing constitutional reform, MPs within current government have attempted to push out the election date to a probable December 2012, while civil society have protested the change, stating (and I paraphrase) ‘please let’s not start all this business of amending of the new constitution already!”
Casting our minds back just a few years, who can forget the joy that we felt to see a Kenyan-American elected to the most powerful political seat in the World. There was celebration in Kenya, a national holiday was announced, ‘Obama Day’. We were all in desperate need of good news, still reeling as we were from a flawed Kenyan election only months before that had brought the country, quite honestly, to the brink of civil war. In the States and Europe, the banking system had very recently undergone a collapse caused in part by the US subprime mortgage market, however, at that point we thought that the worst was behind us.
Could we ever have predicted that a shaky Kenyan coalition born out of an election marred by manipulation, bloodshed and infighting, would have somehow endured its term. That Putin would be running for President yet again in Russia, while Obama’s election in 2008, so full of optimism, would mark the beginning of a wave of yet more ‘interesting times’ on a global scale.
We might never have guessed that in May 2010, Britain would chose to rule itself by Coalition just like Kenya; that autocrats in the oil rich Middle East who enjoyed ultimate power for decades would be toppled by people’s revolutions during an ‘Arab Spring’ that was given momentum by online social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter. Natural disaster has also played its part, most notably through chaos caused by the earthquakes in Japan. A global economic crisis that hit at the heart of the developed world in 2008 is still causing shockwaves, unbalancing nations that we once considered infallible. Today, Europe’s currency is under threat, there’s mass unemployment, a double dip recession looms, governments are making drastic spending cuts to compensate and international banks that were once considered ‘safe’ still threaten to fail.
There is an old Chinese expression that goes; ‘May you live through interesting times’. It’s regarded as a curse. Why, because ‘interesting’ tends to be defined as troublesome and uncomfortable. The world has certainly had an interesting ride over the last few years since Kenya’s last election. In 2012 world leaders and voters alike can only pray for ‘boring’ times ahead. Fingers crossed.
RIP Wangari Maathai - Tireless Kenyan environmental conservationist, visionary, founder of the Green Belt Movement, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, and by all accounts, all round exceptionally nice lady, died today aged 71.
 |
| Wangari Maathai |
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Gap Yah Africaah..
I am shamelessly lifting content here - but found this today and found it so funny. Dont't be offended. To the uninitiated, Orlando is the spoof of a British, ex public school, gap year student - Tim Nice but Dim.
I have it from the horse's mouth that 6th form British public school kids in England 'literally' don't find this very funny - owch!
Loved the original gap year sketch on Youtube (link below) but this one on Africa makes me smile. It's very 'Prince William' - who on his Tusk Trust website interview proclaims to have a "deep love for Africaah". As you can imagine, love the reference to the thorny issue of aid to Africa too.
P.s. British children, or their parents, do pay up to a hefty 4,000 pounds to 'gap year' specialists in UK who arrange their trips to Africa to include helping out at local schools etc.
Orlando, the YouTube phenomenon, gets busy sorting out 'Africah's isssues'.
"It was just like, hello, sense of achievement"
By Orlando Charmon
So, obviously a lot of my trip so far has been pretty, like, whimsical, but Africah is when things became raally serious. Forty-one per cent of Africans consider their living standards to be subsaharan, and there are also isssues. My trip to Africah hopefully was able to provide a wesstern presssence for the resolvation of those isssues. I came to Mombasah on a mission, and it was a mission I had found on the internet and paid £3,000 for.
I was working with an organisation called PovWatch Africah and I was going to be part of the final solution to poverty. We all met up in a hotel conference suite in Nairahbi and it was pretty exciting to meet everyone – like the first day at school. And also because a lot of people were from my school thah. Spent the morning in classes devoted to telling us about techniques and treatments for dealing with a worms infestation so we could teach this to people in villages.
A whole morning learning about deworming. Raaaaancid. At lunch, everyone was talking about isssues and like about how colonialism was just literally raally bad except for when it stopped people from genital mutilation. Some guy had read a book that said that giving aid to Africans was actually a bad thing and the girl opposite me was like, "why are you doing it then?" and the guy suddenly got all like, "well, it's just an opinion…" and didn't raally say anything else. Chump.
The week of finding out about isssues followed by beers (lash 'n' learn) went by pretty quickly, then we were sent off to live with some random rural tribe.
The village we were sent to (can't remember the name of it – something African) was quite nice. It turned out that we weren't actually educating them about deworming though, we were there to build an orphanage or something. I even asked around the village to see if anyone wanted to be educated about deworming and they didn't, so I got stuck into the building works. The work was pretty difficult, but I quite enjoyed it. We didn't get that much done as the Africans kept taking the tools from the girls and doing their jobs for them, which led to a kind of merry-go-round of work with everyone swapping just when they were starting to get the hang of it.
It was actually raally worthwhile working out thah, and quite satisfying at the end when we had a big ceremony for finishing the building when the chief thanked us for "labouring so hard in the construction of my new house. All of my people thank you for your contribution to more efficient-making government of this country."
It actually raally meant a lot to make a contribution to the lives of these people who have nothing compared to us. But before we came, they didn't have this big house, and now they have a big house, and it was just like, hello, sense of achievement.
For the whole six weeks I was out in that village, I hardly used my phone – they didn't have coverage, except on the top of a nearby hill where people would go to send texts – it was just like I couldn't be bothered, cos I was too busy helping the tribe. Everyone should have to come here, just so they realise. It's like the land speaks to you. I realised the beauty of Africa was not what we could do for it, but what it does to us.
Pretty phenomenal. I wanted to stay forever and live alongside these noble people, but I had a luxury safari booked.
• This extract is from The Gap Yah Plannah by Orlando (Fourth Estate). The book is available from Telegraph Books (£9.99 plus 99p p & p). Order on 0844 871 1515; books.telegraph.co.uk. Out on September 29. Also available as ebook and audio edition
I have it from the horse's mouth that 6th form British public school kids in England 'literally' don't find this very funny - owch!
Loved the original gap year sketch on Youtube (link below) but this one on Africa makes me smile. It's very 'Prince William' - who on his Tusk Trust website interview proclaims to have a "deep love for Africaah". As you can imagine, love the reference to the thorny issue of aid to Africa too.
P.s. British children, or their parents, do pay up to a hefty 4,000 pounds to 'gap year' specialists in UK who arrange their trips to Africa to include helping out at local schools etc.
The Gap Yah Plannah: Africa
Orlando, the YouTube phenomenon, gets busy sorting out 'Africah's isssues'.
 |
| Gap Yah Orlando Charmon - 'what's so funny?' |
"It was just like, hello, sense of achievement"
By Orlando Charmon
So, obviously a lot of my trip so far has been pretty, like, whimsical, but Africah is when things became raally serious. Forty-one per cent of Africans consider their living standards to be subsaharan, and there are also isssues. My trip to Africah hopefully was able to provide a wesstern presssence for the resolvation of those isssues. I came to Mombasah on a mission, and it was a mission I had found on the internet and paid £3,000 for.
I was working with an organisation called PovWatch Africah and I was going to be part of the final solution to poverty. We all met up in a hotel conference suite in Nairahbi and it was pretty exciting to meet everyone – like the first day at school. And also because a lot of people were from my school thah. Spent the morning in classes devoted to telling us about techniques and treatments for dealing with a worms infestation so we could teach this to people in villages.
A whole morning learning about deworming. Raaaaancid. At lunch, everyone was talking about isssues and like about how colonialism was just literally raally bad except for when it stopped people from genital mutilation. Some guy had read a book that said that giving aid to Africans was actually a bad thing and the girl opposite me was like, "why are you doing it then?" and the guy suddenly got all like, "well, it's just an opinion…" and didn't raally say anything else. Chump.
The week of finding out about isssues followed by beers (lash 'n' learn) went by pretty quickly, then we were sent off to live with some random rural tribe.
The village we were sent to (can't remember the name of it – something African) was quite nice. It turned out that we weren't actually educating them about deworming though, we were there to build an orphanage or something. I even asked around the village to see if anyone wanted to be educated about deworming and they didn't, so I got stuck into the building works. The work was pretty difficult, but I quite enjoyed it. We didn't get that much done as the Africans kept taking the tools from the girls and doing their jobs for them, which led to a kind of merry-go-round of work with everyone swapping just when they were starting to get the hang of it.
It was actually raally worthwhile working out thah, and quite satisfying at the end when we had a big ceremony for finishing the building when the chief thanked us for "labouring so hard in the construction of my new house. All of my people thank you for your contribution to more efficient-making government of this country."
It actually raally meant a lot to make a contribution to the lives of these people who have nothing compared to us. But before we came, they didn't have this big house, and now they have a big house, and it was just like, hello, sense of achievement.
For the whole six weeks I was out in that village, I hardly used my phone – they didn't have coverage, except on the top of a nearby hill where people would go to send texts – it was just like I couldn't be bothered, cos I was too busy helping the tribe. Everyone should have to come here, just so they realise. It's like the land speaks to you. I realised the beauty of Africa was not what we could do for it, but what it does to us.
Pretty phenomenal. I wanted to stay forever and live alongside these noble people, but I had a luxury safari booked.
• This extract is from The Gap Yah Plannah by Orlando (Fourth Estate). The book is available from Telegraph Books (£9.99 plus 99p p & p). Order on 0844 871 1515; books.telegraph.co.uk. Out on September 29. Also available as ebook and audio edition
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Africa Expat Wives Club forum
Over the summer, the Africa Expat Wives Club forum (click here to read or use the link on top left of this page) got invaded by spam... I didn't realise how out of control the spam had got until a friend pointed out the problem.
There were posts on how to buy Facebook friends, how to chose a wig (a favourite of mine; 'even your pet can wear a lace wig') and what to do with Viagra and then there was gobbledegook in Russian and goodness knows what else.
Anyway, I've cleared the rubbish off - a horribly time consuming task - only because I'm an idiot and realised that there was a shortcut to deleting posts on my fiftieth or sixtieth attempt. Now I can see that it's not a bad resource - there's info on what to pay domestic staff - things to do for expats in search of friends, where to live, what schools to send your kids to, where to get curtains made - where to buy a mattress (a strangely popular forum?!).
Many thanks to all those who have contributed to these discussions, notably Juniper, Morikins, Suzanne, clairel, ajpeters and many more.
There were posts on how to buy Facebook friends, how to chose a wig (a favourite of mine; 'even your pet can wear a lace wig') and what to do with Viagra and then there was gobbledegook in Russian and goodness knows what else.
Anyway, I've cleared the rubbish off - a horribly time consuming task - only because I'm an idiot and realised that there was a shortcut to deleting posts on my fiftieth or sixtieth attempt. Now I can see that it's not a bad resource - there's info on what to pay domestic staff - things to do for expats in search of friends, where to live, what schools to send your kids to, where to get curtains made - where to buy a mattress (a strangely popular forum?!).
Many thanks to all those who have contributed to these discussions, notably Juniper, Morikins, Suzanne, clairel, ajpeters and many more.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Nairobi has ground to a halt
Apologies for the long hiatus in writing ... I needed to take a very deep breath (especially after that Sarara pos). Now I'm ready to return and 'get everybody's backs up' (this is how a friend recently described my blog) once again.
It's true, Nairobi has ground to a halt, why? Because of the traffic. I heard on the radio last week that Nairobi's traffic is ranked fourth worst globally after Mexico City, Shenzhen and Beijing. I can well believe it.
I used to think nothing of nipping into Westlands, crossing up to Muthaiga, shopping on Mombasa road whereas now the mention of any of these places sends an absolute chill down my spine.
Last week I opted to drive my kids into school rather than use the bus because our youngest (aged 6) was starting there for the first time. Sweet. However, after four days my sentimentality had simply turned to road rage. I was spending more than 3 hours in the car each day to travel just a few kilometres. I'm ashamed to say that at one point, while static in traffic, I told my kids that we should leave Nairobi and live in England instead (unforgivable!), just because of the traffic. They all looked a bit upset.
After a couple of days in, I learned that you have to tackle the problem of Nairobi traffic by employing the tactics of a soldier in combat.
1. Never let down your guard - anything could happen - generally a mini-bus/matatu will appear out of nowhere, someone will indicate left then turn off right, pedestrians step out, you get carved up.
2. Employ covert ops - leave the house before dawn (or after 10am). If you are on the road by 6.30am you can get anywhere you want to go in 30 minutes. 6.50am and you are looking at an hour's travel, minimum, 7.30am - 2 hours.
3. Keep calm. Getting apoplectic with rage when the umpteenth person has cut in front of you will not help with your blood pressure problems.
4. Channel your aggression - have the courage of your convictions and push out at junctions - don't give in to last minute nerves or reservations.
When my mum emailed me to tell me that she had read about a Hay/Storymoja literary festival taking place in Nairobi this weekend, I was excited. When I looked at the website and saw that the venue was the Railway Club Ground, my heart sank. It didn't help that on the website, the Google map had the red arrow pointing at exactly the wrong place - somewhere on Forest Road. To get there would be a nightmare in Nairobi traffic.
However, I felt brave. Ready for battle; I set out mid morning leaving a generous hour for the journey (we are talking about a venue that is only 5 or 6 kilometres from my house). All was going well until I made the schoolboy error of falling off Upper Hill the wrong way, only to find myself doing a loop at less than walking speed round Uhuru park, all the while jammed in city traffic along Kenyatta Avenue and Uhuru Highway, with traffic lights on roundabouts that didn't work and policemen holding us up.
I finally arrived at the showground at 11.15 after already doing a U turn inside the Railway Club itself which is on the opposite side of the road (the lecture I wanted to attend started at 11am). I arrived at the Railway club grounds. There was no one there and I wondered if I was in the right place but at least there were some promising white tents across the way.
Once parked up, an askari (watchman) dressed in green ambled over and told me to re-park my car 'properly', ie at a 45 degree angle rather than straight. I looked around the deserted field and wondered if he was joking. Apparently he wasn't. Another askari joined him and I was outnumbered. I also wondeedr if there were any loos in the vicinity. A coffee before leaving home was ill advised.
I get to the ticket sales tent. There are a few trendy young people manning it, but no programmes for the weekends events and other people are vaguely stringing up bunting and sticking banners into the ground here and there. Wires to sounds systems snake across the grass. I ask if any of the lectures have started.
'Yes' an organiser says, 'I think they started five minutes ago.'
Not too bad, I think to myself - I'm now nearly half an hour late.
The travel writer from London that I'd gone to listen to did not looked impressed by my late arrival nor, to be honest, was he impressed the paltry turn out of fifteen people tops. A technician was testing a microphone in the tent throughout our session, there were various other crashes, bangs and interruptions. As the sun appeared from behind a cloud at around midday, the tent began to get swelter inside.
From past experience of attending these writers' workshops in Nairobi, I knew before arriving that the well-known foreign writers who have been invited to exciting Nairobi to look out for fresh/new Kenyan talent are disappointed to see some washed-up mzungu housewife tagging along for the ride - but I guess you have to develop a thick skin and get what you can out of these situations anyway.
We all had to produce a short piece of travel writing highlighting a place or aspect of Nairobi life that is unique, interesting and off the beaten track - then read it out in front of everybody. Again, scary. Some of the Kenyan writers were indeed very good. My voice cracked as I read my piece and I'd made it far too long.
A Telegraph journalist from London who sat in on our session asked at the end;
'Will you come back to any other events over the weekend?'
'Um, I'm not sure - it's the traffic you see.'
I then spent another hour sitting in traffic to get to the nearest shopping centre en route to the children's school to pick up a coffee and some lunch - in the shopping centre carpark, my parking space was stolen by someone who carved me up through the barrier at the last minute - after I'd patiently waited for 10 minutes for a couple of ladies to take their time loading bags into the car. Another 3 hours in traffic on the clock already and I wasn't even home yet. Grr.
Off I go now, blazing into Friday afternoon's finest rush hour. It's sure to be an adventure. Suddenly I wonder why I ever leave the house?!
Let's hope that all these new highways that have been under construction for what seems like years now, will make a difference once they are finally open. As it is, this city is unworkable.
p.s. We went to England over the summer and used a GPS while there. We bought one last year on ebay for the visit, then somehow lost it during the year in Kenya so had to buy another one since having a Satnav is far preferable to tense map reading. Having said that, we did find ourselves inexplicably travelling down some random green lanes having relied completely on our new best friend 'Tom Tom'.
My question is; does anybody else's husband look at the estimated arrival time on the satnav and then take this time on as a personal challenge - some sort of throwing down of a gauntlet? His foot presses to the floor as he tries to shave minutes off our arrival time. Adding minutes while stuck in traffic ups the ante - not only do we have to beat the original journey time estimate but make up lost time too...
It's true, Nairobi has ground to a halt, why? Because of the traffic. I heard on the radio last week that Nairobi's traffic is ranked fourth worst globally after Mexico City, Shenzhen and Beijing. I can well believe it.
I used to think nothing of nipping into Westlands, crossing up to Muthaiga, shopping on Mombasa road whereas now the mention of any of these places sends an absolute chill down my spine.
Last week I opted to drive my kids into school rather than use the bus because our youngest (aged 6) was starting there for the first time. Sweet. However, after four days my sentimentality had simply turned to road rage. I was spending more than 3 hours in the car each day to travel just a few kilometres. I'm ashamed to say that at one point, while static in traffic, I told my kids that we should leave Nairobi and live in England instead (unforgivable!), just because of the traffic. They all looked a bit upset.
After a couple of days in, I learned that you have to tackle the problem of Nairobi traffic by employing the tactics of a soldier in combat.
1. Never let down your guard - anything could happen - generally a mini-bus/matatu will appear out of nowhere, someone will indicate left then turn off right, pedestrians step out, you get carved up.
2. Employ covert ops - leave the house before dawn (or after 10am). If you are on the road by 6.30am you can get anywhere you want to go in 30 minutes. 6.50am and you are looking at an hour's travel, minimum, 7.30am - 2 hours.
3. Keep calm. Getting apoplectic with rage when the umpteenth person has cut in front of you will not help with your blood pressure problems.
4. Channel your aggression - have the courage of your convictions and push out at junctions - don't give in to last minute nerves or reservations.
 |
| storymoja Hay festival at Nairobi Railway Club grounds |
However, I felt brave. Ready for battle; I set out mid morning leaving a generous hour for the journey (we are talking about a venue that is only 5 or 6 kilometres from my house). All was going well until I made the schoolboy error of falling off Upper Hill the wrong way, only to find myself doing a loop at less than walking speed round Uhuru park, all the while jammed in city traffic along Kenyatta Avenue and Uhuru Highway, with traffic lights on roundabouts that didn't work and policemen holding us up.
I finally arrived at the showground at 11.15 after already doing a U turn inside the Railway Club itself which is on the opposite side of the road (the lecture I wanted to attend started at 11am). I arrived at the Railway club grounds. There was no one there and I wondered if I was in the right place but at least there were some promising white tents across the way.
Once parked up, an askari (watchman) dressed in green ambled over and told me to re-park my car 'properly', ie at a 45 degree angle rather than straight. I looked around the deserted field and wondered if he was joking. Apparently he wasn't. Another askari joined him and I was outnumbered. I also wondeedr if there were any loos in the vicinity. A coffee before leaving home was ill advised.
I get to the ticket sales tent. There are a few trendy young people manning it, but no programmes for the weekends events and other people are vaguely stringing up bunting and sticking banners into the ground here and there. Wires to sounds systems snake across the grass. I ask if any of the lectures have started.
'Yes' an organiser says, 'I think they started five minutes ago.'
Not too bad, I think to myself - I'm now nearly half an hour late.
The travel writer from London that I'd gone to listen to did not looked impressed by my late arrival nor, to be honest, was he impressed the paltry turn out of fifteen people tops. A technician was testing a microphone in the tent throughout our session, there were various other crashes, bangs and interruptions. As the sun appeared from behind a cloud at around midday, the tent began to get swelter inside.
From past experience of attending these writers' workshops in Nairobi, I knew before arriving that the well-known foreign writers who have been invited to exciting Nairobi to look out for fresh/new Kenyan talent are disappointed to see some washed-up mzungu housewife tagging along for the ride - but I guess you have to develop a thick skin and get what you can out of these situations anyway.
We all had to produce a short piece of travel writing highlighting a place or aspect of Nairobi life that is unique, interesting and off the beaten track - then read it out in front of everybody. Again, scary. Some of the Kenyan writers were indeed very good. My voice cracked as I read my piece and I'd made it far too long.
A Telegraph journalist from London who sat in on our session asked at the end;
'Will you come back to any other events over the weekend?'
'Um, I'm not sure - it's the traffic you see.'
I then spent another hour sitting in traffic to get to the nearest shopping centre en route to the children's school to pick up a coffee and some lunch - in the shopping centre carpark, my parking space was stolen by someone who carved me up through the barrier at the last minute - after I'd patiently waited for 10 minutes for a couple of ladies to take their time loading bags into the car. Another 3 hours in traffic on the clock already and I wasn't even home yet. Grr.
Off I go now, blazing into Friday afternoon's finest rush hour. It's sure to be an adventure. Suddenly I wonder why I ever leave the house?!
Let's hope that all these new highways that have been under construction for what seems like years now, will make a difference once they are finally open. As it is, this city is unworkable.
p.s. We went to England over the summer and used a GPS while there. We bought one last year on ebay for the visit, then somehow lost it during the year in Kenya so had to buy another one since having a Satnav is far preferable to tense map reading. Having said that, we did find ourselves inexplicably travelling down some random green lanes having relied completely on our new best friend 'Tom Tom'.
My question is; does anybody else's husband look at the estimated arrival time on the satnav and then take this time on as a personal challenge - some sort of throwing down of a gauntlet? His foot presses to the floor as he tries to shave minutes off our arrival time. Adding minutes while stuck in traffic ups the ante - not only do we have to beat the original journey time estimate but make up lost time too...
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