1. Do you own more than one passport? Is your name just one syllable long?
2. Is your Swahili a hell of a lot better than that of your parents? Do you know a few words in Kikuyu and Maa too?
3. Does your daily uniform consist of; short khaki shorts, socks and suede Bata boots (The boots that say you know Africa), checked shirt, sleeveless fleece, beaded belt, (Leatherman attached), leather hat or baseball cap? And while we are on the subject, when did you buy your jeans? The 80s?
4. Do you live in a house on your parents’ property? Do you have Sunday lunch or sundowners with them every week?
5. Do you have a pilot’s licence or own a long wheel base Landcruiser with high lift jack and game viewing hatches? Are there Kenny Rogers cds in there?
6. Have you worked in the Safari business? Are you also something of an expert in local flora, fauna and birdlife?
7. Can you open a beer bottle without an opener, make a loud cattle whistle by sticking your fingers in your mouth and flick your hand to make a clicking sound to emphasise a point?
8. Do people have trouble placing your accent and do your sentences often begin or end with the word, ‘man’.
9. Are your friends exclusively all people you have known since childhood?
10. Have you named your children after geographic landmarks in Kenya? I’m thinking mountain peaks, national park gates, rivers etc?
Help – I think I married one!!! Yikes!