You should seriously consider expat life as an alternative to UK living if:
1. You are too much of a purist to ever put fizzy water into your wine.
2. You only drink coffee from a very expensive personal expresso machine.
3. You have dispensed with your guest bedroom, using it only for storage or an office instead.
4. You are seriously considering downsizing.
5. You are ‘right-on’ about race issues but never mix with anyone other than people exactly like yourself.
6. You have recently become a running/biking/triathlon fanatic.
7. You arrange your social life around TV scheduling.
8. Your comfort zone is never stretched.
9. You and your friends all wear clothes from the same five shops.
10. You are living for your next holiday in the sun.
You have been an expat for far too long and definitely need to go home if:
1. When meeting people, all you can do is talk about yourself and how wonderful you are.
2. You have already had botox ie. too much time on your hands to worry obsessively about aging.
3. You are on the whisky and water diet. ie. No food, just whisky - from a hipflask if necessary.
4. You unfailingly snap at waiters, complaining that your coffee is too cold or food not good enough, almost on point of principal.
5. Your heroic, single minded efforts to secure your child in a private UK secondary school (on a scholarship of course!) has alienated you from all your friends.
6. When you go back to the UK or ‘home’, locals consider you are wearing fancy dress.
7. You talk endlessly about plans to live between both ‘home’ and ‘overseas’ with no real grasp on the cost implications of running a dual life.
8. You think that everyone around is stupider than you.
9. You think that ‘entertaining’ is simply a matter of a few phone calls followed by barked instructions and 'lunch' is a five hour (minium) drinking session.
10. Your children are barefoot and unkempt – even at school.
The diary of a British expat living in Kenya. News, views, debate and a healthy dose of trivia.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Are you an Expat Brat?
I have shamelessly copied the below 'Are you an Expat Brat?' questions, very funny and SOOO true YAH! I'm now inspired to think up my own version - see next post!
You know your an expat brat when:
-You don't think British beaches are really beaches at all
-You are a member of at least one recreational/country club
-It’s not nice outside unless its tropical
-You rate entire countries by how good a hotel was
-You don't speak the local language, even if you know it
-You bump into friends at international airports
- You know what TCK means and consider yourself one (don't get this one? if anyone can help?)
- school trips nearly always involved a passport and a visa
- You have to take at least one plane to get 'home'
- Your school was big, international and has closed for SARS/bomb threats/bird flu
- There are police outside your school
- Because your school was international, and because expats move round a fair bit, your facebook friends page has many different universities on it.
some more..
1. You can't answer the question, "Where are you from?" (And when you do, you get into an elaborate conversation with someone while both are intoxicated and the other just not grasping the idea what so ever)
2. You flew before you could walk.
3. You have a passport, but no driver's license.
4. You watch National Geographic specials and recognize someone.
5. You run into someone you know at every airport.
6. You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
7. Your life story uses the phrase "Then we went to..." five times.
8. You speak with authority on the quality of airline travel.
9. National Geographic (or the Travel Channel) makes you homesick.
10. You read the international section before the comics.
11. You live at school, work in the tropics, and go home for vacation.
12. You don't know where home is.
13. You sort your friends by continent.
14. Someone brings up the name of a team, and you get the sport wrong.
15. You know there is no such thing as an international language.
16. Your second major in university is in a foreign language you already speak.
17. You realize it really is a small world, after all. (Everywhere you go, I meet someone who knows someone (who knows someone who knows someone...))
18. You watch a movie set in a foreign country, and you know what the nationals are really saying into the camera.
19. Rain on a tile patio --or a corrugated metal roof--is one of the most wonderful sounds in the world.
20. You haggle with the checkout clerk for a lower price.
21. Your wardrobe can only handle two seasons: wet and dry.
22. Your high school memories include those days that school was canceled due to tear gas. (or bomb scares - or what about those Typhoon 8 days—Monsoon parties!!!)
23. You have a name in at least two different languages, and it's not the same one.
24. You think VISA is a document stamped in your passport, and not a plastic card you carry in your wallet.
25. You automatically take off your shoes as soon as you get home.
26. Your dorm room/apartment/living room looks a little like a museum with all the "exotic" things you have around.
27. You won't eat Uncle Ben's rice because it doesn't stick together. (SOOOO TRUE!!!!---and it comes in a box?)
28. Half of your phone calls are unintelligible to those around you.
29. You go to Pizza Hut or Wendy's and you wonder why there's no chili sauce.
30. You know the geography of the rest of the world, but you don't know the geography of your own country. (Isn't Philadelphia it's own state?)
31. You have best friends in 5 different countries.
32. You're spoiled. You know it. You're VERY spoiled.
33. You ask your roommate when the maid service is scheduled to come clean the room.
You know your an expat brat when:
-You don't think British beaches are really beaches at all
-You are a member of at least one recreational/country club
-It’s not nice outside unless its tropical
-You rate entire countries by how good a hotel was
-You don't speak the local language, even if you know it
-You bump into friends at international airports
- You know what TCK means and consider yourself one (don't get this one? if anyone can help?)
- school trips nearly always involved a passport and a visa
- You have to take at least one plane to get 'home'
- Your school was big, international and has closed for SARS/bomb threats/bird flu
- There are police outside your school
- Because your school was international, and because expats move round a fair bit, your facebook friends page has many different universities on it.
some more..
1. You can't answer the question, "Where are you from?" (And when you do, you get into an elaborate conversation with someone while both are intoxicated and the other just not grasping the idea what so ever)
2. You flew before you could walk.
3. You have a passport, but no driver's license.
4. You watch National Geographic specials and recognize someone.
5. You run into someone you know at every airport.
6. You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
7. Your life story uses the phrase "Then we went to..." five times.
8. You speak with authority on the quality of airline travel.
9. National Geographic (or the Travel Channel) makes you homesick.
10. You read the international section before the comics.
11. You live at school, work in the tropics, and go home for vacation.
12. You don't know where home is.
13. You sort your friends by continent.
14. Someone brings up the name of a team, and you get the sport wrong.
15. You know there is no such thing as an international language.
16. Your second major in university is in a foreign language you already speak.
17. You realize it really is a small world, after all. (Everywhere you go, I meet someone who knows someone (who knows someone who knows someone...))
18. You watch a movie set in a foreign country, and you know what the nationals are really saying into the camera.
19. Rain on a tile patio --or a corrugated metal roof--is one of the most wonderful sounds in the world.
20. You haggle with the checkout clerk for a lower price.
21. Your wardrobe can only handle two seasons: wet and dry.
22. Your high school memories include those days that school was canceled due to tear gas. (or bomb scares - or what about those Typhoon 8 days—Monsoon parties!!!)
23. You have a name in at least two different languages, and it's not the same one.
24. You think VISA is a document stamped in your passport, and not a plastic card you carry in your wallet.
25. You automatically take off your shoes as soon as you get home.
26. Your dorm room/apartment/living room looks a little like a museum with all the "exotic" things you have around.
27. You won't eat Uncle Ben's rice because it doesn't stick together. (SOOOO TRUE!!!!---and it comes in a box?)
28. Half of your phone calls are unintelligible to those around you.
29. You go to Pizza Hut or Wendy's and you wonder why there's no chili sauce.
30. You know the geography of the rest of the world, but you don't know the geography of your own country. (Isn't Philadelphia it's own state?)
31. You have best friends in 5 different countries.
32. You're spoiled. You know it. You're VERY spoiled.
33. You ask your roommate when the maid service is scheduled to come clean the room.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Kenya's Promulgation Day
What was so fun was the vast crowd's unchecked reaction as events unfolded. They heckled as former President Moi arrived, to the point where the MC had to ask them politely to show some respect to their former leader. Moi was part of the 'no' group, staunchly against the voting in of a new constitution - he looked rather sombre for the remainder of the ceremony. More dignitaries and leaders kept arriving. We were on the edge of our seat as we hardly knew who would step out and walk up to the stands next. Paul Kagame of Rwanda, Kofi Annan, Benjamin Mkapa, Tanzania - then unexpectedly, Omar al Bashir - Sudan's president - currently with a warrant out for his arrest by the ICC! He was certainly not on the list!
TV commentators were saying;
'There's a surprise! - a rather unfortunate one as this ceremony is supposed to symbolise and end to impunity for Kenya - and here we are hosting a wanted war crimes criminal'
The commentary was then hurriedly switched off and we went to the live sounds of crowds shuffling.
I love the way you cant control the reaction of the crowd. Raila Odinga, hero of the day and family arrived to ecstatic cheers. Raila is still wearing a big hat, presumably to hide scars from his recent head surgery. When Lucy Kibaki, the President's wife climbed out of her Merc, complete with chase cars and outriders - the crowd sighed somewhat exasperatedly. President Kibaki finally pitched up in a Pope-mobil. Obama was a no show - fortunate in light of the fact that Bashir was there! Kofi Annan was squirming in the stands. (in fact Bashir's presence has opened a hornets nest, not just internationally but its also caused a huge rift in the coalition. Raila, who was in charge in inviting distinguished guests, says he had no idea that Bashir was invited. Obama and the international community want to know if Kenya still recognises the ICC. To read more click this link:
http://www.nation.co.ke/Kenya%20Referendum/Storm%20over%20al%20Bashir%20/-/926046/998960/-/69nwjj/-/index.html
Raila Odinga's speech was punctuated by the cheers of the crowd - who were delighted when he switched to Swahili and went off the cuff with euphemisms used about the struggle to get to such an auspicious point in history in the face of detractors and those determined to upset the process - chickens and snakes were mentioned. Kibaki's speech was more of a damp squib.
Our children were bemused by the fact that I was still glued to the TV at 12.30.
'Can we watch our program now?' they asked hopefully.
'No' we shouted.
The last time we were so gripped to local TV was during the late 2007/early 2008 post election chaos.
Meanwhile, while looking at emails on his phone, my husband casually mentioned that he had been invited to Raila Odinga's party/reception at the Carnivore later that night.
'Let's go!' I said enthusiastically, 'could be fun!'
Unsure of what to expect, (or even if spouses were invited!) we got dressed up in our glad-rags and tooled out the the Carnivore.
The evening did not disappoint. When we found the 'State Function Parking' we realised that this was was not going to be a cosy cocktail affair. On arrival into the grounds, my husband pointed out that the scrolling images of 'struggle for independence' heros on 3 large overhead projectors - might make our 'white' presence rather uncomfortable. I brushed him off.
There must have been more than 3,000 guests - all African and many dressed in the most fantastic silver and gold finery. White and Asian guests totalled perhaps 10 in all, maybe 12 people. We resisted the temptation to run over and talk to them just because they belonged to the same minority group. I spotted the British High Commissioner working the floor. It was exciting to be there, however incongruous our presence was and even though we got a few clearly odd looks. It felt like a bit of a gatecrasher to be honest. However, there are more Kenyans in UK than there are English in Kenya - I thought to myself - why shouldn't we mix it up a bit, stretch all our comfort zones.
There was a huge tent, but first we had drinks outside where there were dancers, open fires under the stars, drinks flowing, samosas and nyama choma and a huge roasted cow on a spit. After a short performance about Kenya's political history, Raila Odinga (still in the same hat - this time dressed in black tie) and Ida came up on stage and proposed a toast to Kenya's new beginning - or new year. I thought that Ida looked like a lot of fun - she had a twinkle in her eye.
Next came the most impressive fireworks display that I've ever seen.
'They must be enjoying this in Kibera' I said.
'Who's paying for all this?' my husband wanted to know.
'Happy new year to Kenya, a new dawn!' the compare boomed as guests whooped, ululated and cheered.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YV-xvq_NtY8
Inside the tent was more food, entertainment, singing and dancing. Drummers from Burundi, dancers from Tanzania, Ugandan musicians. Raila and Ida took VIP seats and were offered food as I (a confirmed groupie) played 'spot the politician' mixing in the vast crowd.
It was fun to see Raila and Ida tucking in, constantly interrupted by fellow guests negotiating past body guards wanting to pay their respects to the day's hero. Then Raila was called up to lead the first dance - for a moment I thought he was going to refuse - but soon he bowled up and wiggled to the music, then quietly he slunk off home.
The whole evening was voyeuristic heaven for me, a great atmosphere. We were lucky to be there.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Kenya's New Constitution - promulgation
I am loving this new word, promulgate or promulgation - referring to the planned National Holiday tomorrow where Kenya's leaders will swear public allegiance to the new constitution. There's to be a 21 gun salute, parade, everything in fine style... A celebration worth celebrating!
A friend casually mentioned there's a rumour that Barack Obama will make an appearance at the festivities - so needless to say I am now beside myself and almost ready to abandon cooking my family lunch on a national holiday and face the rigours of strict security in Uhuru Park (including body search), just to catch a glimpse of the band stand in case the rumour is true. It appears that I am an out-of-the closet celebrity stalker of the worst kind. But joking apart - it would be fun if he the guy with the biggest job in the world was to finally grace Kenya with his presence since he's been in office. Must google him to find out what he's up to.
http://www.home.co.ke/index.php/arts-and-culture/culture/127-culture/412-nairobi-roads-closed-ahead-of-fridays-historic-function
A friend casually mentioned there's a rumour that Barack Obama will make an appearance at the festivities - so needless to say I am now beside myself and almost ready to abandon cooking my family lunch on a national holiday and face the rigours of strict security in Uhuru Park (including body search), just to catch a glimpse of the band stand in case the rumour is true. It appears that I am an out-of-the closet celebrity stalker of the worst kind. But joking apart - it would be fun if he the guy with the biggest job in the world was to finally grace Kenya with his presence since he's been in office. Must google him to find out what he's up to.
http://www.home.co.ke/index.php/arts-and-culture/culture/127-culture/412-nairobi-roads-closed-ahead-of-fridays-historic-function
Monday, August 23, 2010
Re-entry - home again
On returning to Kenya after a very spoiling trip to England, travelling about, staying with family, seeing friends, shopping ..... a lot.... I was surprised at how content I felt to be home in Nairobi this time. Normally I leave England with a heavy heart and think - oh, to live there permanently! - but this time it wasn't so bad. A few things helped. Our eight bags arrived in Nairobi in tact, without getting lost. The guinea pigs were still alive by some miracle (the babies are now fully grown) and the dogs looked very happy to see us. Even the fact that I'd slept not a single wink on the night flight with three children did not get me down. (After midnight, once the children were finally sleeping, I started watching the film 'The Notebook' on the plane. It was so sad it made me cry buckets. When the film was over the air hostesses snapped all the lights on and announced breakfast. While I dashed to the loo to splash my blotchy eyes before being spotted a blubbering wreck, I realised that I had blown my chance of catching any sleep whatsoever.)
I even faced the yawning chasm of an empty fridge undaunted, nipping straight out to the shops (after a couple of hours kip, I admit), then I dealt with the unpacking unusually swiftly and full of excitement.
However, once a couple of bags were unpacked, the rosy honeymoon period of re-entry was disrupted by the foreboding purple of real storm clouds approaching on the horizon. After four apparently dry weeks, on Friday night, we had the mother of all thunderstorms ..... and oh, the rain came down. So much water was pouring in through the roof in a million different places, that we ran out of buckets (and baking trays). We had to move the guest bed in order to keep it dry (guests were arriving the next day), water was literally running in rivulets down the wall inside our linen cupboard, plus pouring through the ceiling boards of our bedroom and one daughter's bedroom. The rain was even dripping through the ceiling in the downstairs dining room! My husband and I kicked ourselves for not fixing these problems much sooner (there are now workmen on the roof as I write).
Next, just before our guests arrived on Saturday, the power went off. With five guests and five of us too, we had to endure a long weekend of absolutely no power until lunchtime Monday. Cold showers all round! Fortunately it hasn't rained since Friday night though, so we've stayed relatively dry in our beds! Plus the workmen worked round the clock over the weekend so they've now finished the guest room roof at least!
In spite of these frustrations I'm still very happy to be home. The fact that Kenya has voted in a new constitution, plus the voting process went smoothly at the beginning of the month, is all very cheering and positive. (I couldn't help sneaking a look at the Nation and Standard online while I was away to check out the voting results).
Expat Luggage:
Since I got back I've been joking with fellow expat friends about our various luggage allowances and how we use them and indeed, how we get our bags to the airport! (To Kenya you are allowed two 23kg bags per person by most airlines).
This year I drove six bags to London, sending two ahead with my brother-in-law who kindly met me with them at the airport and a further two had gone ahead with my husband the week before. Whilst on holiday, in an enthusiastic moment I had bought fun, semi-rigid suitcases that roll along for each of the children, then had to take them back to the shop when I realised that they wouldn't fit in the car! Squashy ones are the only viable option when travelling heavy (as opposed to light!) - But I find that they tend to rip rather easily at the seams.
And what do expats put in all these bags? I'd love your input! When I chatted to a Kenyan school mum friend at Heathrow, I spotted that she had even more luggage than me! The number of bags being checked-in on a Kenya Airways flight is boggling - lucky the plane was only half full or we might have dropped out of the sky!
Personally, I had lots of clothes, and shoes including school ones for the children - even a new school raincoat for my eldest, a cd/stereo (I discovered that you can hardly find these in England nowadays), a years supply of shampoo and conditioner and some new hair straighteners to try! My husband brought back car parts (as usual) and bike parts this time too. In my luggage I had a full size 'Sylvanian Families' hospital and 'Applewood Cottage', pants, socks, electric toothbrushes, a years supply of shampoo - birthday presents for one daughter who turns eight in November and all the kids' Christmas presents that I bought cleverly ahead of time and have now stowed carefully away in a high cupboard, including books, cds and toys, even stocking fillers! Oh, and a fairy-cake maker from Lakeland courtesy of my mother-in-law - which is a present for my daughter. My mother-in-law, having been a former Africa expat herself, has over the years has been a saint for us bringing things like nappies and three sets of roller blades for the girls!
This time, all the bags breezed through customs and I almost wished I'd bought more - until I realised my bank account was properly empty and the hire-car bumper was scraping along the ground. - Last year my most unique purchases were a skateboard and a disco ball!
Last week an English friend said she managed successfully to transport an antique crystal bowl, a glazed painting in a frame and another painting from her granny's house. She always brings in Marmite, instant coffee, chocolate and cheese from England (I did ask - 'what if you bag gets lost? - the cheese could get quite stinky!' She said, 'I live on the edge!!'). She brings Nutella too, even though you can buy it here. 'But sometimes it runs out!' she said, 'I absolutely couldn't bear that!'
A Belgian friend put us all to shame by bringing 12 cases home on Saturday - apparently she had to hire a van to get her and her three kids to the airport! She brought with her, chocolate, various specialist food stuffs, boxes of washing powder (it apparently smells nicer than any locally available), a put-me-up nursery for her husband's pot plants and a cast iron casserole dish.
Arriving at JKIA - we find that we're not the only ones who travel like this. What does everyone else have hidden in their cases bound from Europe to Africa? I'd love to know.
I even faced the yawning chasm of an empty fridge undaunted, nipping straight out to the shops (after a couple of hours kip, I admit), then I dealt with the unpacking unusually swiftly and full of excitement.
However, once a couple of bags were unpacked, the rosy honeymoon period of re-entry was disrupted by the foreboding purple of real storm clouds approaching on the horizon. After four apparently dry weeks, on Friday night, we had the mother of all thunderstorms ..... and oh, the rain came down. So much water was pouring in through the roof in a million different places, that we ran out of buckets (and baking trays). We had to move the guest bed in order to keep it dry (guests were arriving the next day), water was literally running in rivulets down the wall inside our linen cupboard, plus pouring through the ceiling boards of our bedroom and one daughter's bedroom. The rain was even dripping through the ceiling in the downstairs dining room! My husband and I kicked ourselves for not fixing these problems much sooner (there are now workmen on the roof as I write).
Next, just before our guests arrived on Saturday, the power went off. With five guests and five of us too, we had to endure a long weekend of absolutely no power until lunchtime Monday. Cold showers all round! Fortunately it hasn't rained since Friday night though, so we've stayed relatively dry in our beds! Plus the workmen worked round the clock over the weekend so they've now finished the guest room roof at least!
In spite of these frustrations I'm still very happy to be home. The fact that Kenya has voted in a new constitution, plus the voting process went smoothly at the beginning of the month, is all very cheering and positive. (I couldn't help sneaking a look at the Nation and Standard online while I was away to check out the voting results).
Expat Luggage:
Since I got back I've been joking with fellow expat friends about our various luggage allowances and how we use them and indeed, how we get our bags to the airport! (To Kenya you are allowed two 23kg bags per person by most airlines).
This year I drove six bags to London, sending two ahead with my brother-in-law who kindly met me with them at the airport and a further two had gone ahead with my husband the week before. Whilst on holiday, in an enthusiastic moment I had bought fun, semi-rigid suitcases that roll along for each of the children, then had to take them back to the shop when I realised that they wouldn't fit in the car! Squashy ones are the only viable option when travelling heavy (as opposed to light!) - But I find that they tend to rip rather easily at the seams.
And what do expats put in all these bags? I'd love your input! When I chatted to a Kenyan school mum friend at Heathrow, I spotted that she had even more luggage than me! The number of bags being checked-in on a Kenya Airways flight is boggling - lucky the plane was only half full or we might have dropped out of the sky!
Personally, I had lots of clothes, and shoes including school ones for the children - even a new school raincoat for my eldest, a cd/stereo (I discovered that you can hardly find these in England nowadays), a years supply of shampoo and conditioner and some new hair straighteners to try! My husband brought back car parts (as usual) and bike parts this time too. In my luggage I had a full size 'Sylvanian Families' hospital and 'Applewood Cottage', pants, socks, electric toothbrushes, a years supply of shampoo - birthday presents for one daughter who turns eight in November and all the kids' Christmas presents that I bought cleverly ahead of time and have now stowed carefully away in a high cupboard, including books, cds and toys, even stocking fillers! Oh, and a fairy-cake maker from Lakeland courtesy of my mother-in-law - which is a present for my daughter. My mother-in-law, having been a former Africa expat herself, has over the years has been a saint for us bringing things like nappies and three sets of roller blades for the girls!
This time, all the bags breezed through customs and I almost wished I'd bought more - until I realised my bank account was properly empty and the hire-car bumper was scraping along the ground. - Last year my most unique purchases were a skateboard and a disco ball!
Last week an English friend said she managed successfully to transport an antique crystal bowl, a glazed painting in a frame and another painting from her granny's house. She always brings in Marmite, instant coffee, chocolate and cheese from England (I did ask - 'what if you bag gets lost? - the cheese could get quite stinky!' She said, 'I live on the edge!!'). She brings Nutella too, even though you can buy it here. 'But sometimes it runs out!' she said, 'I absolutely couldn't bear that!'
A Belgian friend put us all to shame by bringing 12 cases home on Saturday - apparently she had to hire a van to get her and her three kids to the airport! She brought with her, chocolate, various specialist food stuffs, boxes of washing powder (it apparently smells nicer than any locally available), a put-me-up nursery for her husband's pot plants and a cast iron casserole dish.
Arriving at JKIA - we find that we're not the only ones who travel like this. What does everyone else have hidden in their cases bound from Europe to Africa? I'd love to know.
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